Sex, Pirates, and Babette Cole

Published by Catherine Dehdashti at Open Salon: http://open.salon.com/blog/catherine_dehdashti/2011/12/09/sex_pirates_and_babette_cole/comment

My daughter Z had a favorite book when she was little—it was about a child's uncle who is a pirate. The pirate falls in love with a mermaid and marries her. Written and illustrated by Babette Cole in her distinctive style, The Trouble with Uncle was a swashbuckling good read.

When Z was eight and I decided to tell her how babies are made, I was pleasedl to find that Ms. Cole had a book on that. I checked out Mommy Laid an Egg, or Where Do Babies Come From from my library and read it with my daughter. Reveling in Ms. Cole’s droll humor, we read The Trouble with Uncle again too, for old times sake. Both books are a laugh-riot. Love me some Babette Cole.

I know that when my mom told me about sex, she did her best; she even drew pictures. But I still didn't quite understand what goes where. So I thought that checking out a book or two on the subject was the way to go with my daughter. As hilarious as the drawings were (sex positions—OH MY GOD, in one they are on a skateboard), there was clarity on what went where. Z got that. I thought we were good.

Soon after, we had some family friends over for dinner. We had a fun evening with the other couple, whom we’ve known for years, while Z and their little girl, 10 months younger, shut themselves in a room downstairs.


The next day, my friend called, audibly distressed. Z had told her daughter about how babies are made. My friend wasn’t ready to talk to her daughter about sex. But what really disturbed her, and she said she didn’t quite know how to say this, was how Z had told her daughter about how women get pregnant. “She said that women get pregnant when they have sex with pirates,” my friend said, voice shaking.

I’m not quite what sure my friend was thinking—perhaps that my daughter had caught me and my husband in some kinky role-playing game, him with a patch on one eye perhaps. But I knew right away what had happened. Babette Cole. My daughter had meshed the two books in her head. She had relayed the sex part just fine. I secretly cheered my success on the what-goes-where part in my head, then apologized to my friend about Z spilling the beans, and feebly explained the mix-up with the pirates and the sex.

Last week, my now 11-year-old and I had the opportunity to attend a mother-daughter retreat facilitated by Planned Parenthood. With 10 other sets of moms and their girls, we spent a full day together in a church basement learning about sexuality, puberty, and also playing theater/drama games and activities that helped us open up the lines of communication and build trust in each other.

Some mothers and daughters were hesitant at first, but the facilitator and educators from Planned Parenthood have been doing these retreats for, oh I can’t remember, maybe 20 or 30 years. The retreat cost $70 for each mom-girl set, to spend the day together, learning about something essential to humanity. I’m so grateful to the mom who set it up and to Planned Parenthood for having such a wonderful offering. Considering my past experience, I wonder if sex ed really is best left to the pros.

Planned Parenthood has mother-son retreats too. (They tried father-son retreats for a few years, but participation was low.)

I hope to go to one of these puberty and sex ed retreats with my son when he’s a little older. We'll just have to get there before he learns about me and that pirate.

My writing highlights of 2011

As everybody trying to balance work and family knows, it's hard to fit in anything else, but I'm trying. It helps that I don't even try to fit in a work-out regime--more time for writing! (I'll make any excuse for not exercising.) Finding creative time does seem to get easier as the kids get older.

THANKS for reading the few articles I've managed to publish outside of work in 2011, and one of many I wrote for my job at the U of M.

Cookbook review: Scholars serve up Middle Eastern dessertsNov. 24, 2011

Cookbook review: A Persian feast for the new yearStar Tribune, March 30, 2011

Agroforestry: New ways for old terrain
Source Magazine, Fall, 2011

Kotex ad was a launch pad to a different tween talk
Salon.com, Open Salon Editor's Pick, April 8

Cookbook review: Scholarly authors serve up Middle Eastern desserts

Published at Minneapolis Star Tribune, November 24, 2011

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/taste/134412958.html

The Arabian Nights get new life with this collection of stories and the sweet treats that are part of them.

"SWEETS OF ARABY: ENCHANTING RECIPES FROM THE TALES OF THE 1001 ARABIAN NIGHTS"

(Countryman Press, 128 pages, $19.95).

Long before the stories of 1,001 Arabian Nights were told by Scheherazade to save her life from the murderous King Shahryar, women have told stories. Leila Salloum Elias and Muna Salloum join the tradition with "Sweets of Araby: Enchanting Recipes From the Tales of the 1001 Arabian Nights" Stories about growing up on their mother's desserts as third-generation Syrian-Canadians help the sisters personalize this dessert cookbook.

The unusual feature of this book is its connection to the Arabian Nights, a collection of short stories told within the shell of the frightening relationship of the royal Persian couple. Scheherazade not only curtailed the king's wrath with her stories each night, say the authors, but also with sweets. "She must ensure that his love for her became even more powerful," the Salloums write in opening. "Starting tonight, she would serve with each tale a sweet from Araby that would please him even more."

The Salloum sisters translated the recipes of these life-saving delights from ancient texts. Sure, perhaps they could have gotten several of the recipes from their mother or from one of the cooks they met as they enjoyed the treats across the Middle East.

But isn't the whole point here the telling of stories? It's much more fun to prepare these exotic treats after learning how the recipes were directly translated by the authors, both Middle East scholars, from 10th-century manuscripts before being adapted for today's modern cooks.

Most of the 25 recipes (one for each tale included) use the same core ingredients. If you like rosewater and spiced nuts, you're as golden as the almond-filled fried doughnut hole called luqum al-qadi, or the pistachio-stuffed and batter-fried dates. If Scheherazade's desserts don't tempt you like they did the king, consider the book a sweet compilation of 25 of the legendary tales, colorfully illustrated by Linda Dalal Sawaya.

CATHERINE DEHDASHTI, freelance writer

Recipe: Hays (Date-Nut Balls)
Makes 35 balls.

Note: According to the authors, these no-bake morsels are one of the oldest sweets recorded in Arab history and were a stepping stone for the desserts enjoyed in the Middle East today. The recipe requires a food processor.

3/4 lb. fresh, pitted dates, chopped
2 c. finely ground bread crumbs
1 c. ground almonds
1 c. chopped pistachios
1/2 c. plus 1 tbsp. light sesame oil
Powdered sugar for rolling

Directions
Place the dates, bread crumbs, almonds and pistachios in a food processor and process for 2 minutes.

Pour the sesame oil evenly over the mixture and process for about 5 minutes. Press a small amount of the mixture in the palm of your hand to make sure it sticks together. If it doesn't, process the mixture a little longer until it begins to bind.

Form the mixture into balls that are each about the size of a walnut. Roll the balls in the powdered sugar and place on a serving plate.

Nutrition information per each ball:
Calories 120 Fat 7 g Sodium 45 mg
Carbohydrates 14 g Saturated fat 1 g Calcium 26 mg
Protein 2 g Cholesterol 0 mg Dietary fiber 2 g
Diabetic exchanges per serving: 1/2 fruit, 1/2 bread/starch, 11/2 fat.